DanB98TJ
03-29-2001, 09:14 PM
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bum day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man says. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. That ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, St. Peter announces, "Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. St. Peter repeated the new rules for getting in, and asked the man for his story.
"Well," the man says, "you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden, this crazy guy comes out of the apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator - of all things - off his balcony.
St. Peter is quitely laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," he announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and allows the man to enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. St. Peter is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war immediately cross the Saint's mind. Finally, he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton replied, "Okay, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator....."
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man says. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. That ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, St. Peter announces, "Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. St. Peter repeated the new rules for getting in, and asked the man for his story.
"Well," the man says, "you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden, this crazy guy comes out of the apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator - of all things - off his balcony.
St. Peter is quitely laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," he announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and allows the man to enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. St. Peter is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war immediately cross the Saint's mind. Finally, he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton replied, "Okay, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator....."