Mr. Bill
04-04-2001, 02:10 PM
The Rabbi
There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. So the Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 5 or 6 children, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Rabbi
got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God," he said.
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers .
Duck Hunter
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He invited a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog immediately jumped into the water. Amazingly, he didn't sink, but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but didn't say a word. On the drive home, the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
Hole in One
There once was a priest who really LOVED to play golf. He awoke one Sunday morning to a beautiful sunny day and thought, "I've just got to play golf today!" He called over the assistant priest and told him he didn't feel well and asked him to say Mass for him. The assistant priest agreed and the priest snuck out the back door with his golf bag. An angel in heaven, after watching all of this, went to God and said, "He is ditching his duties to go play golf. He should be punished!"
God replied that He would keep an eye on the situation. The priest decided to drive a long distance away to ensure he wasn't seen by anyone from his church. He took his first shot and got a hole in one!
As the priest danced around celebrating his good fortune, the angel went to God and said, "God, I am surprised at you! That doesn't seem to be a severe punishment to me!"
God replied, "Who is he going to tell?"
There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. So the Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 5 or 6 children, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Rabbi
got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God," he said.
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers .
Duck Hunter
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He invited a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog immediately jumped into the water. Amazingly, he didn't sink, but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but didn't say a word. On the drive home, the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
Hole in One
There once was a priest who really LOVED to play golf. He awoke one Sunday morning to a beautiful sunny day and thought, "I've just got to play golf today!" He called over the assistant priest and told him he didn't feel well and asked him to say Mass for him. The assistant priest agreed and the priest snuck out the back door with his golf bag. An angel in heaven, after watching all of this, went to God and said, "He is ditching his duties to go play golf. He should be punished!"
God replied that He would keep an eye on the situation. The priest decided to drive a long distance away to ensure he wasn't seen by anyone from his church. He took his first shot and got a hole in one!
As the priest danced around celebrating his good fortune, the angel went to God and said, "God, I am surprised at you! That doesn't seem to be a severe punishment to me!"
God replied, "Who is he going to tell?"